My friend Sarah once told me that her motivation for diligently updating her blog was in order to stay connected to her friends, even if they didn't always comment. I understand that idea a little more clearer than I did before now that I'm off in a place that is totally disconnected from my friends and family. I know that all of you are a phone call or email away, but somehow it is comforting to know I can post my story anytime I want and that people who care are reading, especially now that I am suddenly surrounded by others who don’t care as much. Thus, I hope I will update my blog more often, with that idea in mind.
First things first, two clerical updates: I have officially "disconnected" myself from Ian on facebook. He is officially out of my life and good riddance to ever having a second thought about him.....or, at least, that is the idea. Unfortunately, I've been missing him a good deal lately, but I attribute that to the expected loneliness of moving to a new city.
Number two update: I have officially deleted my myspace account. Just so you know.
I don't think all of you know, but I now have two roommates now. Both of them recently graduated from undergraduate college. For some reason I was a little weary about telling everyone about this fact; I'm not sure exactly why....maybe I thought some of you would judge this as an irresponsible decision.
Anyway, do you remember when you were done with undergraduate? I remember. I had this idea in my head that could finally live like a real adult, that I would be a real adult. I would have a sophisticated life with a huge wardrobe of cute, smart, professional clothes and work downtown in some sort of executive office and consistently go to happy hour where I would meet fascinating people and.....life would be kind of.....exciting and....easy…I would have everything figured out. I would also have this chic and sophisticated apartment; no plastic crates, no plastic dressers, no posters affixed to the wall with 3M strips. Well, it didn’t turn out that way at all. I think I spent a majority of my post-undergrad years depressed and confused and, to this day, I still own two plastic crates.
Now, I'm watching these two girls with the same illusion of how life is going to be now that they are "real adults." And here’s me, 5 years after undergrad, 5 years into “adulthood”, toting around plastic crates, trying to cram my life into the smallest room in the apartment, happily willing to accept free plastic promotional cups from bars and rental agencies, no boyfriend….just now figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I feel like I appear a huge mess, like some 40-something, mousy spinster who never kept herself in check and has become out-of -style and out-of-touch with reality. And I feel like these two girls are thinking in the background, “I sure hope I don’t end up like her in 5 years.”
And I realize that I am just comparing myself to the person I expected to be at this age. These two adults, what I should respectfully call them, are not even paying attention to me. I think I’m still a little ashamed of myself for taking so long to make this next step towards…..in….through adulthood.
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